


Desolation

by Stankyle



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, M/M, Slurs, Smoking, Swearing, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stankyle/pseuds/Stankyle
Summary: It was a new school year, one that Stan thought he would have to face without his best friend. Kenny and Shelly were the only people there for him now, considering Kyle stopped answering his calls and texts. Then, the unbelievable happens, and suddenly Kyle springs back into Stan's life. As Stan tries to let go of his feelings, Kyle has something else in mind.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Firstly, I'm Australian and have no idea how the American schooling system works, so please correct me if I'm wrong. Secondly, this is the second fanfiction I have ever posted. My English is a bit rusty, so things may sound slightly incorrect. Sorry about that.
> 
> Things to note: the kids are seventeen or turning seventeen in this fic. Kyle left during eighth grade, around his birthday. They are all beginning eleventh grade. I think that's about it.
> 
> I will update this whenever I can.
> 
> (I listened to Kingdom Hearts music while writing this fic, specifically Xion's Theme. I feel like it gives off the perfect aura. This fic is based around old friendships and lasting memories, just like Kingdom Hearts. So, I decided that's what I'd work with. Just letting you know, in case you need a playlist to listen to while reading :))

Stan took a drag of his cigarette and leaned back. He was sitting in the backyard with Sparky. It was a weirdly cold Autumn day. The first day back to school for a brand new year. ‘Strange,’ he thought, ‘another year without Kyle.’ Sparky was ten now. His older years smiled upon him though; not a gray hair in sight - at least, not yet. Losing Sparky would be like losing Kyle all over again - too painful. In his recent years, Sparky became his best friend. Next to Kenny, and his sister Shelly. Stan’s parents separated last year, forcing he and Shelly to become close. She turns twenty this year, and is studying to become a teacher. Even though he hated her when he was younger, he thinks she’ll be good at it.

He fidgeted - he didn’t know what was worse - the fact that Kenny hadn’t called him this morning or the fact that he remembered Kyle already and it was only seven thirty. Not like it ever stopped. He didn’t dream about him last night though, because he recalled a nightmare woke him up, and he was thankful he didn’t remember much of it. ‘Kyle,’ he breathed, leaving his cigarette in his mouth and breathing in the smoke. He hadn’t stopped drinking in days, it was nice to relax and put down the bottles. Rum and vodka were his weak spots, he couldn’t resist. He looked over to his right as he thought to himself, through a hole in a fence he and his super best friend created when they were twelve. They wanted to communicate through the fence, in case something had happened in the families and they were outside. Stupid reason really, and in the end they never really used the holes, but it was a nice gesture on Kyle’s behalf. He leaned in closer. He’d been inside for most of the holiday so he didn’t realise until last week that the people the Broflovski’s rented the house to moved out. It had been, what, two years since they left for Washington? It felt like decades. He began to wonder who would move in next. Maybe someone interesting.

“Stanley,” Sharon, Stan’s mother, began quietly, “Shelly is on the phone for you.” And that was it. She closed the door and an eternal silence fell over the backyard once more. He sighed, pressing his cigarette into the floor. He was annoyed, one because new people would be moving into Kyle’s house soon, and two his cigarette was far from finished. Too busy thinking, he guessed. He put his phone and lighter back in his pocket and went inside.

“Hello,” Stan said quietly, “thanks for calling. She’s getting worse.”  
“This fucking sucks!” Shelly almost yelled, “why’d they have to separate? I know all they did was fight Stan but when you love someone you want things to work out.”  
“I think they still love each other, maybe,” Stan spoke quietly. “Dad came over to see me yesterday and she smiled. You know how she is, she doesn’t smile.”  
Shelly went quiet for a moment. “…Smiled? That’s good then, but if that happened how is she getting worse?”  
“She cries during the night now. I can barely sleep.” Stan saddened. “Please come home. It’s boring without you, Kenny is too busy fucking people to be around me anymore. All he does is call.”  
“School’s soon, right?”  
“Today, very soon actually. I better go Shel.”  
Shelly went silent again. “I think she should go to hospital. See a therapist or something,” she sighed. “Oh well, see you, have a good first day. Text me.”  
“Love you.” He didn’t wait to hear it back. He hung up, went upstairs to grab his bag he previously packed and closed his door.

He walked to his mother’s room, just down the hall. He opened the door, standing there looking in. She was sitting on the side of the bed just staring at the floor. A usual spot for her, he supposed.  
“Bye mom, see you after school.” Stan never waited for a response, because he knew he’d never get one. He only talked to his mother when she felt it was necessary. He shut the door behind him.

After arriving at school he didn’t see Kenny or Cartman anywhere, so he continued on his way to the office to find out his new locker combination. He thought it was stupid, but they reset them every year. He passed by Craig’s group on the way, seeing how Craig let Tweek just sit in his lap, stroking his hair and chatting with his friends. ‘That would be nice,’ he thought. He needed to stop thinking. He hasn’t talked to Wendy in a while, the last time they hooked up was in July. Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t just have meaningless sex with his ex-girlfriend from forth grade. 

“…and here’s your locker combination, Stanley. Have a good first day!” The happy receptionist smiled at him. He felt unease when people smiled at him. They expect you to smile back or say something and… it’s just messy. He approached his locker and had a wild thought while putting his things away. ‘Maybe I should text Kyle and wish him a good first day.’ After a while, he decided against it. It was a pointless endeavour. After all, he hadn’t responded to anything Stan has sent in over a year, what makes him think he’d even respond, let alone read it. He probably had more important things to do.

“Dude, I’m so sorry,” he heard behind him. He closed his locker and turned around to see Kenny standing there. “Smoked already? I can smell it on you. Could’ve waited.”  
“Sorry,” was all Stan could say.  
“You okay? I heard a rumour that might cheer you up.”  
Stan thought for a few seconds. “I really doubt that.”  
“It’s about Kyle.” That made him instantaneously interested.  
“Oh, okay…” Stan waited for Kenny to speak. But he didn’t. He was too busy checking out someone walking down the hall. “Ken.” Stan deadpanned.  
“A guy with a green ushanka was spotted walking down these very halls about ten minutes ago.” Kenny smiled, seemingly for Stan as he wasn’t impressed.  
“Yeah, okay. Who’d you hear that from, it could’ve been anyone.”  
“Who else wears a fucking lime ushanka dickhead, think about this for a second.” He did. And he thought it was impossible. But, he had hope. Hope that, for once, maybe the rumours were true.  
“We have chemistry.” Stan sighed, going off topic on purpose.  
Kenny laughed. “I know, baby,” he moved closer to Stan and wrapped his arm around Stan’s waist.  
“The class, asshole.” He pulled a face. He doesn’t like to remember the fact that he and Kenny have slept together multiple times. And still do. What a normal, healthy friendship.  
“Whatever,” Kenny let go. “Let’s meet up later, we haven’t fucked in a while.”  
“Yeah? You’re perfectly capable of sleeping with other people, Kenny.” They started walking to their destination together.  
“Yours is the best I’ve had, fact.”  
“Of course,” Stan laughed. “I’m the shit, dude.” In the middle of Stan actually feeling happy for a split second they passed Mr. Mackey’s room - the councillors office - and he saw it. A lime ushanka. Before he could say anything, he heard another voice chime in.  
“Morning stoner and smokehead,” Cartman joined them on their journey to the classroom. “What’s the agenda today, fags?”  
“Pleasant as always, Eric.” Kenny rolled his eyes. He turned his head to face Stan’s. He looked worried almost. He wondered what was going through his mind. Kenny was worried, too. If Kyle was back, that means he’d lose Stan. He didn’t think he was ready for that. He reached out and squeezed Stan’s hand in his. Stan wasn’t very responsive, but that’s okay. He got a squeeze back at least.

Stan spent all of chemistry wondering who the boy was. The boy who dared to wear what his best friend wore. He got over the fact it may be Kyle because it can’t be. Kyle was long gone and Stan had accepted that. So the only thing to question was why and who. The end of chemistry rolled around and Kenny waited at Stan’s desk for him to get his things.  
“You weren’t concentrating.” Kenny sounded worried.  
“Just thinking, I guess,” Stan deadpanned, “are you okay, though? You kind of seem… out of it.”  
Kenny smiled at that. “Just thinking, I guess.” He liked to copy to prove a point.  
“Too long,” Cartman sighed. “Too boring.” In his later years, Cartman mellowed out. Not that many insults were thrown around these days and not much yelling since… well, Kyle left. Cartman was slightly depressed when Kyle left too. He devised a plan to get Kyle back and almost put it into motion. Stan wished he did. Cartman seems to get things done, and it was a comforting thought. They all walked out to their usual table in the cafeteria together. They sometimes sit with Craig's group, but today didn't seem like one of those days. They took out their lunches and began eating with occasional small talk. Stan looked around the cafeteria. He noticed Wendy looking over at Cartman sometimes, which was weird. Stan wanted to talk to her. He considered her a friend, of course. He was annoyed that things didn't work out between them. He really thought he liked her. They broke up in sixth grade after a rumour that Stan and Kyle were 'experimenting' went around. Like Kyle would even consider that. Stan would be lying if he said he never thought about it, but no, it didn't happen. Wendy thought it did though, after Craig's birthday party that year. Stan was sugar high and bounced all over Kyle. He didn't see it as a problem and neither did Kyle, but apparently everyone else did. Stan was thankful though, he never would've figured out he was bisexual if he stayed with Wendy and it didn't dent the friendship he had with his best friend. He was happy back then. He wondered what went wrong.  
“Hey fellas,” Butters began, snapping Stan out of his daze, “mind if I sit?”  
“‘Course, babe. Sit.” Kenny chimed in. Stan rose an eyebrow. ‘Really, Kenny?’  
“Babe?” Cartman laughed. “What happened to this year. Everyone’s either depressed or a fag. Or a drug addict.”  
“Who know’s, dude.” Stan sighed and bit his sandwich.  
“You included, you faggy smoko.” Stan laughed. He hated to admit that Cartman’s insults only got worse in his teen years. There was no originality like there was when they were younger.  
“Right, whatever, I’m gonna go do that. Later.” Stan packed up his things, listened to a collective sigh from Cartman and Kenny, and left out of the cafeteria building. He went to his locker and grabbed his cigarette case. It was black and he bought it off ebay when he was fourteen. Though he didn’t start smoking until he was sixteen. It was weird, he always imagined himself smoking but didn’t until his depression got increasingly worse. The separation, Kyle leaving, school in general; all of these things just put pressure on Stan and made him feel incredibly weak and unwanted. His parents said it wasn’t because of him, obviously, but he started acting up straight after his best friend left so it’s hard to agree. He didn’t want to even think about this at the moment. 

He found his regular tree at the back of the “playground.” He uses this term lightly as it just involved swings and gigantic rocks for teens to climb on. Not very exciting but it exists. He always risks this, he could get expelled if the teachers caught him, but he always went outside to smoke when the cafeteria was full so there were only a handful of students in the playground. He sat down, back against the tree and sparked up his cigarette. One puff and he felt instantly relaxed. He had overthought for most of the day and it was only eleven in the morning. He hated what was happening right now. Although he had feelings for Kyle, he has slight feelings for Kenny considering he’s basically his only friend. It was getting more intense though, Stan wanted to do things with Kenny that he only thought he wanted to do with Kyle for the longest time, like kissing and hugging. Sure, they had sex but it was a hookup. There weren’t any feelings attached back when he was sixteen. Why can’t it be like that now?

He sat there smoking, looking up at the clouds. Why had life treated him so poorly. He was practically all alone in a shit town with an alcohol addiction. It didn’t sit right with him, he thought he deserved much better. He thought about all those times he had wished he’d said something to Kyle - literally anything to indicate he wanted to be more than friends. Maybe if he felt the same, which he doubted, they’d be dating and to this day Kyle would answer his calls and text messages. It was pathetic. Stan even tried calling and texting when he was having panic attacks, thinking Kyle cared enough to pick up or reply. Maybe he got new friends, maybe he found a nice girl to date. There had to be something that was keeping Kyle from answering Stan. He heard footsteps and quickly pressed his cigarette into the grass. He realised a bit too late that he had been quietly sobbing to himself, his eyes puffy and wet. He went to wipe his eyes before the person approaching him found out.  
“Dude, don’t cry,” a familiar voice spoke and his eyes widened. He could quite literally feel his entire body relax just by that one sentence. He turned around and looked up at the face he hadn’t seen in almost three years. “Why are you crying?”  
Stan fell silent for a few moments, doubting his entire vocabulary. Why did he have to choke up now. “…Kyle.”


	2. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens.

It was harder to breathe than normal. His lungs felt too full and his face felt cold. He tried to calm down the best he could, but he was too overwhelmed. He couldn't think or speak. "Stan, stay here, I'll - I'll get Mackey, okay?!" He heard Kyle speak frantically. He didn't need to. Stan already knew what this was, he's had them weekly since his parents separated. It was his standard panic attack. He tried to say that in-between breaths but it wouldn't come out so he just watched Kyle run off through the tears in his eyes from just moments ago. His entire body felt slack and cold, he started to worry. He hadn't felt this before just from a panic attack. His eyes started to close as he tried to walk to the back entrance of the school but he fell, his vision going pitch black as the surrounding sounds went silent.

 

He woke up in a bed that wasn't his. Clean white sheets and a plain white room filled his vision. He looked around some more and saw a glass of water on the bedside table, and a chair next to the bed. He heard whispering from the curtain in front of him at the foot of the bed but he didn't want to move. He laid back again and tried to close his eyes. Surely, wherever he was they'd let him sleep more.  
"So when exactly were you going to tell me you were moving back?" Stan heard from beyond the curtain. The voices were louder than before and he was able to recognise the voice as Kenny's. Was he still in school? There was no clock, so he couldn't see what the time was.  
"I don't know, I didn't really have time to," another voice chimed in. Kyle. Stan wasn't used to hearing his voice so many times in one day, "My parent's didn't tell Ike and I where we were going."  
"Well, you shocked Stan I think." Stan rolled his eyes. Why did Ken have to be sarcastic right now.  
"I would've told him if I knew we were coming back." Kyle laughed slightly.  
"No you wouldn't have, Kyle." That surprised Stan. Kenny almost sounded serious. "Anyway, I'll stay. You can go now. He'll back awake soon so I'll take him home in his car."  
"You can drive?"  
"Not legally," Kenny laughed, "See you tomorrow I guess."  
"Can you tell Stan I said sorry," Kyle sighed. "I didn't mean to shock him into a fucking blackout."  
"He's been stressed," Kenny paused. "...I'll tell him."  
"Thank you." Stan heard a creaky door open. 'Oh,' he realised, 'the nurses office?' He'd never been behind the curtain before. The door creaks the same every damn time you open it. "I'll see you both tomorrow." Another creak and the door was closed. He wondered why Kyle was even here. To apologise, sure, but why bother? He didn't care about Stan the other times he had panic attacks, what was different here? It made him slightly angry that Kyle probably wasn't even aware Stan had frequent attacks, and only because he never picked up the damn phone. He decided he'd ask Kyle why later on.

 

The curtain was pulled to one side and Kenny stood there in all his glory. "Oh, you're awake?" He sighed, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. He rubbed his eyes and stretched. "Kyle was here." He spoke again, only quieter.  
"I know, I heard." Stan huffed almost. Stan and Kyle's friendship was a joke, at least the remainder of it. Kenny was his best friend and he was much more reliable than Kyle. But Stan wondered. He wondered why it hurt to say that.  
"Right, we better go then. The school's closed, it's three thirty." Kenny stood and pulled the blankets off Stan. He was shocked he was out for that long.   
"Just let me get to my locker," Stan sighed. "I'll grab my bag and keys."  
"Yeah, yeah." Kenny smiled. "Hey, you're okay right? I mean, I'm worried I guess." Stan stopped neatening the blankets and faced Kenny. It was nice he was worried, he didn't feel like having a therapy session today. As long as he had alcohol to numb the pain, nothing was wrong. He moved closer to Kenny and sighed.  
"I'm okay. Thanks." Stan spoke as he leaned in and placed a chaste kiss onto Kenny's lips. It only lasted two seconds, it was their first kiss and he was surprised to find that he didn't feel the spark he felt when he kissed Wendy all those years ago. Kenny looked far from disappointed, smiling and looking around.  
"C'mon, lemme drive you."

 

Kenny parked Stan's car in the driveway and exited. He handed Stan the keys, pulling a face while looking at him. Stan was kind of sick of playing the guessing game with Kenny and Kyle. It was Kyle's first day back and it had already started he felt. He could tell that this was going to be a long year.  
"A moving van?" Kenny questioned, looking behind Stan. Now that he knew Kyle was back, he figured earlier it was only a matter of time before Kyle moved back into his house. So, sighing, he turned to face the Broflovski's and noticed that there was indeed a moving van at the end of the driveway. Just as they both looked on, a boy with black hair exited the house with a smile. He almost couldn't believe it was Ike, he already looked like a teenager and he was only twelve. He had shoulder length hair and it was unbelievably dark. He had freckles too from what Stan could remember. Maybe he grew out of them. Kenny shook Stan out of his daze.  
"I have to go, sorry," Kenny sighed loudly. It wasn't as if Stan couldn't do things on his own. It's only that he preferred not to. "Karen wants me to take her shopping for her birthday, y'know being thirteen and everything."  
"Yeah dude, see you later." Stan felt brave and decided he'd kiss Kenny on the cheek. Stan doesn't like to take things too far when things are unannounced. He and Kenny aren't dating, so he didn't want to push anything. He wouldn't mind dating Kenny - if it wasn't for the fact he calls everyone he's slept with 'babe,' and on that note, continues to sleep around. Stan would like someone attracted to him only - like Wendy - a prime example of a woman who dedicated herself to one person and didn't step outside boundaries. He thought he deserved that. Kenny did too, in fact Kenny admitted one drunken night that he couldn't be what Stan wanted so he never asked. How he knew every little thing he was thinking is beyond Stan. He appreciated that Kenny cared enough to say that. He wondered though, who in their right mind would fuck Butters?  
"I'll call you in the morning this time, okay?" Kenny said as he started walking away. Stan just nodded turned around to lock his car after he watched Kenny go down the path. It was nice having a friend like Kenny. Cartman's an asshole, and the only reason they hung out together was because he was funny sometimes. Kenny on the other hand really cares about people, he enjoys making people happy, especially his little sister. It's refreshing being around him, answering his calls and texts and generally knowing he's there when Stan needs him. Stan went inside and put his things down. He decided he'd continue that nap Kyle forced upon him.

 

It was six o'clock when Stan heard the kettle boiling. He hadn't heard that sound in a while. Stan decided it was time to get up anyway, grabbing his cigarette case and his lighter. He entered the kitchen, surprised to see an unusual sight. Sheila Broflovski was pouring cups of coffee and Gerald Broflovski was sitting near Sharon, listening to her occasional whisper. They must have heard about the separation from Randy at one point. They didn't notice Stan for a while. He stood there looking perplexed for the most part, then decided it was time to head into the kitchen and see if there was anything to cook for dinner in the end. He shuffled through the cupboards at the end of the kitchen, unnoticed for a few seconds. He moved a can to the end of the shelf and that prompted Gerald to turn and see Stan.  
"Stanley Marsh," he spoke softly. It was almost bizarre to hear him speak that way, but he accepted it. Everyone spoke to the Marsh's as if they were damaged anyway. "You've grown so much in the time we've been gone - look at you!"  
"Thanks," Stan deadpanned, wanting out of the conversation as much as humanly possible. If he wanted to discuss his growth, he'd go to the fucking nurse. Not his stupid 6-year-long's-crush's father. "What are you guys doing here?"  
"We heard about, well, Sharon's state a while back. We spoke with your father and," Sheila paused. This didn't sound good. "We all think it's best if she's hospitalized as soon as possible."  
"Oh," Stan didn't think that was a bad idea actually. He always wanted his mom to get better, and if that was the way to go for that to happen then so be it. "Who's going to look after me then?"  
"Your father is coming into town to stay with you for a few months." Months? Stan thought that was a bit excessive, even for his mother. Then again, the most she does in a day is walk downstairs. He wasn't against this, he just had a lot of questions. "We're leaving tonight, Randy will be here in the morning."  
"Okay," Stan shrugged. "Can I visit?"  
"Strictly no visitors," Gerald sighed. "But she'll be back before you know it."  
"Why don't you go see Kyle while we get your mother's things together little man?" Sheila just had to say it didn't she. Not only did she call him a 'little man,' she told him to go and see Kyle. He couldn't say no to his mother, surely. This was a plot. He sees through all of this.  
"Alright then," Stan just closed his eyes. He had to get this over and done with eventually. Not only was today totally embaressing - now he'd have to see the demon in human form himself - Kyle. Stan mustered all of his strength and headed next door.

 

The moving van was still in the driveway. He wondered why they even came back. For what purpose, and why now? Sure, Sheila might have made some enemies but is that really a proper reason to come back to a shitty town like South Park? He knocked on the door, crossing his arms and standing in one spot awkwardly. The only light was shifting and it was coming from upstairs so he wondered if they could even hear him. As he was thinking, he heard fast footsteps. Someone was coming down the stairs. The door opened and Stan was greeted with a smiling Ike.  
"Dude, Stan!" Ike said mid-laughter. It seemed like all he did was smile and laugh. "What are you doing here?"  
"Kyle in?" Stan just got straight to the point. He was sick of today to be honest and he just wanted everything to go at a faster pace than it was.  
"'Course, come in," Ike moved aside. Stan walked in and saw everything in the same spot but upgraded. Sheila must have had a top end job in Washington. "Kyle got his new Playstation today, so we're upstairs in his room."  
"Okay," was all he said as they walked up the stairs. He heard faint sounds coming from what he remembered as Kyle's room. Ike opened the door and Kyle was laying on the bed, hanging upside down off the edge playing Playstation. Stan couldn't help but smile. He was still stupid. He had told him years ago to sit up straight or all the blood would go to his brain but he clearly hasn't listened. Their eyes met and Kyle fell off the bed.  
"Holy shit!" Was what he had said as he fell. He didn't understand why it was surprising. They were neighbours and classmates, so this was bound to happen.  
"Hi." Stan tried to stop smiling but he couldn't help it. He got butterflies just looking at Kyle, it was ridiculous. Kyle got up and flashed a smile in Stan's direction.  
"Hey! What're you doing here?"  
"Your parents are at mine, talking to mom," Stan sighed. "They said to come say hi so - hi."   
"Hi!" Kyle laughed. "It's nice to see you, dude." They both just stood there, looking at each other. It was as if they were talking but they weren't. Stan had so much to say - so much to ask but at the same time he didn't want to do anything but just look at him. He hadn't seen him in so long, it was almost surreal.   
"Alright then, I'll leave you guys to catch up." Was all Ike said as he closed the door behind him. Kyle gestured for Stan to sit down on the chair under his desk so he did. Kyle took a seat on his bed and they had a long conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the shitlord of style.


End file.
